His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
