That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
