I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
