i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
