omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Randomize
