omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
