You're my little dorito
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
