forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Houston, we have a blender
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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