end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
