I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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