I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
