Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
