If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize