I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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