Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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