the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
