On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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