That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize