God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
