Your tits are I can't wait for
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize