I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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