Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
