You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
