is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
