So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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