i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
not ubering you a puppy
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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