Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
