this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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