I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
