I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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