His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
