Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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