I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
