Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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