i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
