Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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