Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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