I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
