3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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