a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
