kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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