Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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