I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
