Kiss
Puke
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize