he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
