just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
