So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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