I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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