I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
