Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
