his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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