I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
