I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
