Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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