Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
