If i come over, it means nothing
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
