i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
