Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
