There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
