is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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