I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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