i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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