I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
