# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
