I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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