dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
