I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
