On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
