her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
