You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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