They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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